Having gone on indefinite hiatus in 2016, the members of One Direction haven’t performed together in nearly a decade and their millions of young admirers have since grown up. But when Dee, now 29, found out that Liam Payne had died last week in a fall from a hotel balcony in Argentina, she suddenly “felt the walls close in.”

Liam Payne suffered a fatal fall from the balcony of a third-floor hotel room in Argentina on Oct. 16. Read what authorities have shared so far about the death of the One Direction alum.